Nestor's Cola

All right bitches, shut the fuck up and pay the fuck attention because I’m gonna teach you to cook something. You like to cook and so do I so stop wasting my time.

This isn’t elegant, it’s not pretty, you don’t give it four stars because it’s got a beat and you can dance to it. It’s tasty, it’s cheap, and it doesn’t take too long to prepare. Got it? Good. Screw your brains back onto your neckpipes because here we go.

First off, Ingredients:

Linguine. You know what the fuck this is, go buy some.
Chicken breast tenderloins. You may not know what the fuck this is, so go to your goddamned store and look at labels with that retarded sheeps’ expression on your face until you find them.
Cream of Mushroom Soup. Okay, limpdicks, I’m not talking about the condensed add one can of water, I’m talking the real deal. If you don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about, get yourself a couple cans (that’s TWO, retards) of Progresso cream of mushroom soup. Om nom nom, bitches, yeah.

All right, now that you got your shit, let’s fucking cook.

Grab your cans o’ soup and dump em in a skillet. Rocket science, I know, but bear with me.

Dump your tenderloins in. Holy fuck, difficult as all hell. I have the utmost confidence in your skills though, so fucking do it. I choose a skillet because it’s easier to raise to a simmer and flip the chicken around in.
Simmer the chicken for an hour or so. Simmering is easy, and accomplishes three tasks: cooks the soup into the chicken, cooks the chicken, and boils off the excess moisture.

This gives you about 40 minutes to carve each letter of the alphabet into a cucumber, jam it up your ass, and then shit them out in fun phrases.

Cook your linguine. You DO know how to do that, right? Boom, we got cooked pasta. It takes about 12-20 minutes to cook linguine, so don’t get too absorbed in shitting cukes out your butt.

By now the soup has gone from a soup and turned itself into a sauce. God damn, this ain’t cooking, it’s SCIENCE. serve the pasta and hold the fucking phone, ladle the sauce and chicken over the goddamn pasta.

you’ve been learned.

One thing I’ve been facepalming over (and over and over, etc) is people who see ‘Fight Club’ or some other … trendy fucking movie, they suddenly “see the light” and “wake up” and suddenly they’re this bleary-eyed basket case with half-boiled convictions and a head full of fucked-up wiring, determined to preach the fucking gospel to a bunch retards with brains the consistency of used oatmeal. They’re (usually) the first to preach about the injustice of it all, and complain about the intolerance of living in a society that gets off on a lack of personal accountability and encourages a false sense of entitlement. They’re also the last in line to realize that they’re just as at fault as the “sheep” and “tools” and “mindless drones” they castigate. They might not see it, but it’s simply another insurgence of the ‘I want’ mentality that they themselves claim to oppose. It’s the ‘have-nots’ complaining that they’re not getting what the ‘haves’ have. If there’s one thing I can’t fucking stand it’s the thought that these idealists  scream about revolution but never fire a shot.

Listen: If you feel you are somehow ‘enlightened’, or you think that the other people around you are ‘mindless sheep’, ‘drones’, or ‘slaves to the corporation/ government/ fire hydrant’ or if you’ve ever had the idea that people need to ‘wake up’, congrats. You’re part of the fucking problem.
Any first-year revolutionary will tell you that the government is corrupt, society is weak and complacent, Mass Media and the infoglut are part of the problem.
Any first year punk rocker will tell you that revolution is coming and that the only way to avoid being sucked into the nine-to-five rat race is to fight the power.
Any first year sociology student will tell you that all of these things fit together to form the society as a whole. That it doesn’t matter at all where you stand or what you stand on, you’re simply fulfilling a role. Eat your fucking breakfast.

DJ Nestor is… Live. I play allllll the hits.

To be more precise, Ebola Cola‘s very own Gonzo Radio is back on the air, which means I’ll be making your ears bleed with my eclectic choice in musics. From Touhous to rock, from anime to techno, from metal to bizarre, mystifying and off-color rap, I’ll play it all.

Listen Now

I’d like to answer some questions and perhaps identify and discard some questions and doubts and maybe some repressed childhood fears that may have cropped up in the past week.

I noticed some crazy shit happen to your blog some time back! Am I going to die?! Unfortunately, you’re not going to die. Shaun, the crazy admin that manages my webspace and owner of http://ebolacola.org/ (shameless plug) decided to merge my database with the databases of http://ebolacola.org/ (did it again, fuckers!) in order to smooth out a certain number of things and begin The Great Blogging Project.
Will ‘The Great Blogging Project‘ give me cancer? No, but it probably will give you AIDS. The Great Blogging Project is an idea that we can create a blogging site that is amusing, whimsical, and fun. Also, we want to give you AIDS. So we’ve opened up the doors. Grab a Gravatar, create an account on the site, and start blogging. We got tools and toys and fun shit to play with.
What was your reaction to Shaun The Admin moving shit around? I about shit down both legs. Shat BRIX. Enough to build a brownstone. All sorts of shit happened. There were lots of “YOU BROKE IT!” and “FUCK YOU! I HATE YOU!” and “OGOD WHAT HAPPENED?!” and “OH FUCK IT ARE BORKEN JK LOL”. Actually, joking aside he did a great job putting up with my panic.
When will your blog be cool again? When your mother hoovers my cock. We’re not talking like, a lick, a wink and a tickle, but serious down on her knees back-of-the-throat hoovering.
Can you give me AIDS? Of course! Click here for AIDS.
I really like Fujiwara Mokou. Me too.

Chef Nestor here again with another panty-dropping, tasty fucking recipe you and yours can enjoy. I call this a lasagna.

• 2 cups uncooked penne pasta
• 1 pound ground Italian sausage
• 1 (26 ounce) jar spaghetti sauce
• 1 cup cottage cheese
• 2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese, divided

Directions:

1. Preheat an oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease a 2.5 quart baking dish.
2. Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Place pasta in the pot, cook for 8 to 10 minutes, until tender, and drain.
3. Cook and stir the Italian sausage in a large skillet over medium heat until browned, about 8 to 10 minutes. Drain the fat from the meat, pour the cooked pasta and spaghetti sauce into the skillet, and stir well to combine. Bring the mixture to a boil.
4. Pour half of the hot pasta-sausage mixture into the prepared baking dish, spread with the cottage cheese in an even layer, and sprinkle with half the mozzarella cheese. Spread the remaining pasta mixture over the cheese, and top with the remaining mozzarella cheese.
5. Cover with foil and bake in the preheated oven for about 25 minutes, until the casserole is hot and the cheese is melted and bubbling. Let it stand 5 minutes to firm up before serving.

My alterations: I make 2 1/2 cups of pasta, I take the foil off the lasagna about ten minutes before taking it out of the oven so the cheese melts more evenly, and I of course make my own spaghetti sauce.

Yarrr.

pixiebell arghhhh, can’t find my skinny belt
pixiebell will have to buy one at lunch because this outfit looks retarded
NEET1079 use the fat belt, pixie.
NEET1079 faaaaat
[...time elapses...]
pixiebell Nestor: I ended up changing outfits
NEET1079 ahahahaha
NEET1079 hahahaha
NEET1079 I suspected that’d be the result
pixiebell hahaha
pixiebell ok, off to work~ later guys

Okay kids. Class is in session. Why did I suspect that pixie would change her entire outfit?

Let’s pretend you have a particular outfit. one part doesn’t match. What’s the logical conclusion?
1. find a replacement part, or make due without it.

Now, Let’s pretend you’re a woman, and repeat the same scenario:
1. CHANGE OUTFITS COMPLETELY.

The lesson learned? The most irrational and inexplicable conclusion is the most logical conclusion for a woman.

This has been a public service announcement.

Just kidding, I felt like being a chauvinist ass.

After conferring with the guy that actually owns the space I use for this wordpress, he’s installed a filter countermeasure that should deflect spam attacks with impunity.

Please wait warmly while girls are preparing; I have to go back through each and every post and enable comments again.

Now that we can bring Clannad and Clannad After Story to a close, I can only feel a sense of relief. As much as I like Key, I can’t help but feel a bit resentful of their formula. “Here is something cute but ultimately useless. You love it. Watch it do cute things. You love it. Now watch us do bad things to the cute thing. Feel sad. Next week, we’ll introduce a newer, even cuter, even more useless thing that you’ll love. (uguu~)” It’s something I became only viscerally cognizant of with AIR and playing through Planetarian, It became clear to me during Kanon, and the same formula was applied to Clannad as well. Don’t get me wrong, I think Clannad would have been great if I’d never seen anything else by Key before.

In a lot of different tangental aspects, I enjoyed each series for what it was, but the main underlying formula destroyed them for me. Unfortunately by the time Clannad came around I had become calloused and cynical- their attempts to elicit an emotional response from me fell on deaf ears, and I simply watched as a dispassionate observer. There were plot elements I could appreciate and enjoy, but the foreknowledge of the inevitable result left only a tired sort of acceptance.

Final notes:

Tomoyo is fucking hot.