I hate New Year. Anyone who’s close to me will know there’s a deeply personal and horrible reason why I hate new years, but I hated it before that happened.
Everyone getting so excited, so happy, so full of hope “This year will be so much better than last.” I personally do the same, make resolutions, get all teary eyed and a glimmer of hope appears…. Then usually by the second of January something has happened to shatter this illusion. It’s a cliché. I don’t understand why people never learn not to get themselves so “worked up” about it. But I will be the first person to admit that when it comes to never learning, I could tell you some horror stories.
However, I have promised myself that I need to change my life dramatically next year because this year has been nothing but a disaster from start to finish. Between the monumentally bad relationships, where things seem to spiral out of my control over night, (which is the thing I really don’t learn from), to failing health, past ghosts coming back to haunt me, an ill advised move to Edinburgh, and then an even more ill advised departure from Edinburgh, and even managed to fit a near wedding and a university education in between.
But 2010 will be a new year, a new decade and big changes. I have already stopped smoking, which I am very proud of and intend to stay that way. I will once again leave home, only for good this time, and chase a career in a field with one of the highest dropout rates and most competitive entrance in the modern world. And I will have to put my all into it, such is the nature of the work. Get into an art college to improve my portrait skills and live independently. Edinburgh or Aberdeen, ohh the choice??
I plan to keep running the mile a day I currently am in the hope I lose some weight. Which I know is never going to happen, but it might reverse a bit of the damage the smoking has done.
But my main resolution is to stop allowing people to use me and take advantage of me. This year, more than any has been probably the worst so far for it, but it ends here. I am going to run my own business. In business you can’t afford to let that happen, therefore it stops. I don’t care what people think of me as a result to be honest. I have been stabbed in the back so many times this year my spine probably now looks like Swiss cheese.
But it’s not all doom and gloom. I have made some of the best friends anyone could ask for this year, between my Heriot Watt crew and that one special someone who makes me smile no matter what. I have rediscovered old friends who I thought I had lost. And there’s always that one person who just totally and utterly surprises you……
A nice guy wouldn’t go a miss but in today’s world those are pretty hard to come by so I’d rather just focus on my business than have a lot of relationships with people who will just cause heartache and stand in my way.
2010 will be the year I have to turn everything around from being jobless and stuck at home with a lot of dreams to making those dreams into a reality, which I am prepared for the fact that it won’t be easy. But nothing in this life ever is. But let’s be honest, it would be so fucking boring if it was.
So here’s to the new decade and a new hope for myself, my best friends and those who matter deeply to me.
