It doesn’t come much more boring than British reality television, mainly due to the fact that our ‘contestants’ are normally idiotic racists who would much rather eat their own shit than socialise with other contestants. Big Brother appears to be one of the most popular and most entertaining reality TV shows here in Britain and with good reason.
The entire show (which attempts to depict Orwell’s novel, 1984) features citizens of the UK under constant surveillance carrying out various tasks and generally trying to get along. However, Big Brother’s tasks are very simple and only require some time (which is abundant) and basic teamwork.
I have compiled a small list of tasks I (and I’m sure everyone else in the UK) would love to see Big Brother housemates undertake.
Task #1 - Disease Roulette
In the task-room lies a table, on the surface is an assortment of various syringes. Housemates have to pick a syringe using their own gut instinct and inject themselves with it. Should the syringe contain a non-lethal concoction, they are allowed to continue living in the Big Brother house. Should the housemate accidentally inject bleach or the Hepatitis C virus into their veins, then I guess from that point on, their experience in the house might not be the greatest they’ve ever had.
Task #2 - See you at Guantanamo!
In this task, housemates must endure a real Guantanamo lifestyle, complete with orange jumpsuits, cages and regular beatings from American soldiers. A luxury food budget is awarded to those who can shit into their toilet-bucket without hitting the cage floor. If at any point the housemates want to give up and leave, they’ll be stripped naked and forced into strange but humorous positions.
Task #3 - Goodbye Liver
Housemates must drink their entire weight in strong hooch. Vomiting and emergency stomach-pumps are cheating and will force housemates to be disqualified.
Task #4 - Acid Bath
Several baths are filled with clear liquid, one contains water and the others are filled with acid, the housemate with skin remaining on their body at the end of the task wins a luxury food budget and the ability to wear clothes.
Task #5 - Battle Royale
The Battle Royale task would suit as the very final task between housemates as only one housemate should be left standing when it concludes.
The Battle Royale task follows the basic principles of Battle Royale, which are rather easy to understand.
Housemates would be given various weapons, some useful and others plain bizarre. They would then be expected to fight to the death.
The winner would then receive an interview with Heat magazine.
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