Whilst walking around town at 4AM a couple of nights ago (sober) with an old friend of mine, I began to muse over the existence of life out there in the vast, most likely infinite quantity of space, human evolution and the existence of god. It’s a classic isn’t it? The moment when it suddenly hits you how vast the universe is, with all the large numbers and intricate theories that go along with it; When you look up and your entire vision is filled by a sheet of darkness, with only little specks of light to keep you company. It’s beautiful to look at, but I’m not going to discuss this over-used cliche of how the human race is insignificant and getting all Emo. No, a couple of nights ago I remembered my absolutely kick-ass alien/time-machine theory.
Now, you might believe this is absolutely bulls***. You’re right, it is - but that’s not going to stop you reading this article is it? and neither is it going to stop me writing it. In fact, at the end of the day this probably has more credibility than Scientology, but you never know, so slap yourself and read on.
Over the past few millions of years the brain capacity of humans has increased quite dramatically. In fact, compared to modern day apes the human brain is three times larger. That’s to do with all the juicy information crammed inside, like speech and reading. Technology has advanced a heck of a lot over a rather short timeline of about 100 years and doesn’t look anywhere near slowing down. Add an extended period of time and we have, lets see, people with fat heads and spaceships.
Send these spaceships up into space with us in it and we no longer get much exposure to the Sun, hence making our skins pale, and dare I say it, grey. In space no one gets a tan. And what with all the computer technology, it’ll be no wonder people’s eyes will begin to look retarded, with all the screens and, holy hell - could you imagine all the porn crammed in the internet by that time?
Add lack of gravity and their muscles begin to weaken and their bodies begin to lengthen. Conclusion? Classic Grey Alien. So get that up you.
Oh, and that’s not all.
Time-Machines. You’d believe if a Time-Machine was ever going to be invented then we’d know about it by now, because they’d come back and tell us all about it. Probably over a cup of tea and biscuits. Well maybe they did.
All the alien is, in this stupid idea, is an evolved form of the human race going back in time. Christ knows what for. Abducting humans for kicks? A free Wi-fi connection? Maybe they don’t do Oreo’s anymore or maybe 21st century collector’s items are worth a lot of money. Who knows. And what if, in a bizarre twist of fate, they went back in time to catch out the bastards that made the crop circles, and actually realise it was actually them? And also what if, for the record, all these skinned-alive sheep were used to make wooly jumpers? Everyone knows It’s f***ing cold in space.
In the end, if aliens do exist then there’s no point in getting worked up about them. I mean, If they did exist then they couldn’t possibly be hostile, because if they did they would have f***ed us already.
I’m not one to comment though, because at the end of the day I just find ‘out-there’ interesting. I’m not some whack-job enthusiast, I just let my mind roll sometimes. Although my theory is kick-ass, I don’t really care about it, apart from the fact I’ve just contributed to the internet with my own bulls*** conspiracy theory.
That’s if there isn’t already one like this already.
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